Review: Ruby's + Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf (Desserts)

In the course of my visits to restaurants with various people, I have come to realize that the more extensive the menu, the more nervous people get with decisions. Go to a south Indian restaurant and people don't even want the menu. They know exactly which dosa they want with how much butter. Take them to a multi-cuisine restaurant and they flip pages back and forth for a half hour before they go like, "Get me bow pasta with white sauce and lots of cheese and a lemon ice-tea, please!"

I, on the other hand, am rather picky about what new stuff to try. I look out for weird combinations of common ingredients. As a result none of my fellow guests will ever touch the menu; "tu kar na order!"

This Sunday, my cousins-in-law decided to have a casual lunch at Ruby's (erstwhile Ruby Tuesday) and this Sunday, I resigned as designated order-placer and left it unto my sisters and brothers-in-law to do it. My youngest saala, Mayur, asked for advice and i suggested very casually that the burgers are nice. On my previous visit, I had loved them but little did I know that the name was not the only thing that they had changed.

A random assortment of starters, from crispy potatoes to nachos to chilly-cheese-toast, was ordered. The process of ordering was quite interesting, though. A finger ran down the menu along the green dots and the first three familiar dots were ordered like so, "iska, iska aur iska two plates each... Jaldi." Couldn't blame them… everyone was quite hungry and the children were to be fed, too. 

The nachos were interesting with three-grained tortilla chips. What I really loved was the sour cream. It was fresh and light and best of all, it had lemon zest well incorporated into it. The salsa and the guacamole were both very nice but the chips were over-fried. 

The crunchy/crispy potato was anything but that… very disappointing! The kids, however, loved it because it had cheese and a lot of tangy goodness to it.

Then for the mains came burgers (all in sundry) and fajitas. Both were horrid. The tortilla roll for the fajita was cold and chewy like naan and the veggies were over seasoned. The saving grace was the sour cream and salsa, again. The burger… Oh, where do I even begin? Ok, imagine a desert that has scanty cacti, few sand lizards and scorpions and absolutely no rain since the dinosaurs went. Now put it all in your mouth. One bite of the burger and the mouth was parched. There was barely any mayo or dressing. A leaf of dry iceberg lettuce on a half-heartedly cooked patty sandwiched between one-day-old buns that flaked... What does that sound like? Well, it tasted even worse. It probably looked ten times more presentable than the way it tasted. I was upset about having suggested this, so much so that I downed it with ketchup. Eww!

The French fries, on the other end of the spectrum, were a revelation. They were actually triple-fried, like they should be: crunchy outside, soft inside, nice and salty, too. But if Batman sucks, Robin can't do much better, can he?

There were practically no deserts and I was so happy about it. Pay and leave, man! They should have changed the name from RUBY'S to RUBBYSH!

Mayur then suggested deserts at “Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf”, right above. I had heard of their Philly Cheese Cake being awesome, so I ordered. Mayur went for a lava cake of sorts and Meghana called for the pistachio, orange cake. All three were a big mistake. The cheese cake was dry and beyond sweet. It warranted a few glasses of water with each spoonful to keep me from bouncing off the walls. I quit half way. The pista-santra cake was edible. Awesome play with textures but the flavours clashed badly. The lava cake oozed as promised but the cake was dry and overcooked. 

I realized that the day was going to be unrelenting on my palette and stomach, so I skipped all food for the rest of the day. I only had a bowl of dahi-chat and a few spoons of daal-rice for dinner at a friend's place to ward off the evil spirits of the culinary underworld.

Moral of the nightmare, two actually: 

1. Order your own dish. Even if it is bad, you won't feel rotten about suggesting it to others. 

2. If a restaurant changes its name, decor, menu card, so much as its security guard, check if the chef and staff are the same or not.

Oh well, everyday is a learning experience right? Like where NOT to eat… XD

P.S.: This post will be updated with pictures as soon as I get time to work on them.

Review: All Stir Fry

Meghana, (my wife) and I are not believers in exercising or working out. At least she goes to swim as much as she can but no hard-core working out as such. This Saturday, as I was contemplating on what to do for dinner, Meghana springs out of the blue and says, “I feel like a walk today!” This was rather surprising but I just shrugged and said, “OK… Where?” “Colaba” she smiled back. There’s even more confusion on my face now. I take a second before asking, “Why right now?” She frowns back, “because… it’s time for dinner!?”

Full confusion! I tried to sound like I was not thinking her completely mad, when I said, “Are you completely mad? If it is time for dinner, let us go have dinner… why go for a walk?” She palms her face and bursts into peals of laughter. After a couple of minutes of this hysteria, she tries talking between gulps of air, “I… meant… W.O. K. Chinese…. not…” and fades out.

Ah! THAT WOK… HAHAHUMM… (Stupid face)

So we go to ‘All Stir Fry’, Colaba, that serves wok across a live station. You pick your bowl and dump the veggies that you like in it, choice of noodles, walk over to the chef and he stirs it up in the sauce of your choice. We invite her friend, Sumi, too.

I had been there before and had not liked the wok so much, so I chose to call for a couple of starters of my own. 

The crackling spinach is another one of their specialties and an absolute must have. I called for it and what came was a large bowl of honey fried spinach which was as crunchy as those last crumbs of potato chips at the bottom of a Lay’s bag that you tip over your wide open mouth at the end. I loved it but what I didn’t get is, why fill up an entire serving bowl with just that? Imagine an entire bag of Lay’s filled with just crumbs. While I liked the texture and the sweetness against that earthy, herby taste, it was a bit too monotonous. 

Along with it, I called for Penang tossed veggie salad. It was delicious. Pieces of Zucchini, broccoli and tofu tossed in a peanut and coconut based curry-sauce that is nice and sticky and heart-warming. Again, it had tad sweetness about it from a dash of honey-chilly. This too was quite a portion and since Meghana and Sumi were deciding to go for the wok, I knew I would have to finish it all by myself. So again, a sense of monotony set in… Until, I felt a bulb go off in my head.

So I had this...

And I did THIS!

I added some of this… (Chilly oil)

And it was like two soul-mates who found their better halves and they were bonded in culinary matrimony. The veggies were al dente, the chilly oil just about cutting through the sweetness, the honey giving the dish its somber depth and the magic of the crunchy texture of the crackling spinach against the softness of tofu… Ah, I loved it and finished both dishes very happily.

The wok as usual had the regular stuff. The soy took over most flavours and it was an almost heady, umami taste. But there was a particular sauce which Sumi had that had a coriander base: Sapo, I think, which was awesome.

I would recommend this place for its wok only if you don’t mind the (and I say this with no airs of being a purist) "Indianisation" of the flavours. Otherwise, spend some more and go to Henry Tham next door. 

If you like Asian cuisine for all it’s worth, give this place a shot but the service, let me warn you, is more like an Udipi “hotel” where the waiters pick your plates up before you have finished chewing your last morsel. And they are not particularly interested in making your dining experience worth any memory. Ambience is good, well lit and not crowded; so thumbs up to that.

All-in-all, it was a thorough Asian experience and the heat from it did not spare me the next morning, if you get my "drift". (I sure hope you don't... LOL) 

When food "bleeds"…

The single worst invention of mankind, in my opinion, is ketchup. There, now I have offended 1.2 billion people who can't live without it. Albeit, it's true. 

The other day I went for a birthday dinner to Karma, where I experimented with the Milano Paper Pizza. It was nothing like paper and just about qualified as pizza. So i finish my slice of the thin crust and suddenly I receive another slice. "She didn't like it, so its yours", says my wife about the girl next to her, who looked sick.  The pizza had too much salty cheese which combined with olive oil and doe made it taste sour. Anyway, I shrug, I bite, I squeal, gulp water and ask the girl, "why the hell have you bathed it with ketchup?" and her unbelievable reply was, "it was too sour so I thought ketchup will help". Did she not know what the taste of ketchup is? Obviously not! 

I don't blame her though. We are conditioned to add ketchup to anything western: pizza, pasta, bread, sandwich, burger… some people even mix it with  (I'm cringing as I type this) daal and rice! Without understanding its taste or purpose, its use is lethal. 

In case you did not know: ketchup came from the far east Asian culture of salted/pickled fish that was used as accompaniment. Today, its essentially tomatoes cooked with salt and (guess what?) large quantity of vinegar. Which is what makes it sour. Then there is sugar and an assortment of spices the use of which depends on the maker. 

What ketchup can be used for, is a base for sauces; like a lazy man's Arrabbiata can begin with ketchup or maybe when you want to cook up a quick dip for those wedges. 

I guess I was a little harsh on ketchup at the beginning but hey, I stand by my opinion on how we use it. So the next time you handle that bottle, check if you really need it. Ok?

Stick around for more and I'll Ketch ya later! (sorry, couldn't resist cracking that one.  :-p)

I, foodie!

There are certain things that have their own time and pace to develop. Then there are those, that we think may take their own time but are really the result of our procrastination. Starting this blog was just that.

Anyway, after much persuasion from nagging friends and a coaxing wife, I have decided to throw open the gates of inhibition, fear and false presumptions of embarrassment, and enter the realm of culinary adventure. This is my attempt at exploring my second nature: the joys of chugging and chomping.

Since this is my first post, it would be fitting that I introduce myself to those who don't know me (however unlikely that would be at this point.)

I am a media professional by day, an avid "cooking show" fan by night and a hatted chef or the most feared food critic, by the time I am asleep and dreaming. It depends on whether I have cooked that evening or just eaten something (from my wife's repertoire of recipes) for dinner.

I like to find new places to eat at or try new dishes from the often visited restaurants and (sort of) break them down to the ingredients and their proportions in that dish. Then, better it in my own head and bore the hell out of those who are dining with me, by constantly adding imaginary flavours to an already great dish. That probably explains why I often land up having lunch by myself at the office canteen… but I digress.

The point of all this is rather simple and quite contrary to those who are thinking "oh, what a self-obsessed, wannabe foodie" I am: all I'm trying to say is that I am no different from a multitude that loves food for its artistic expression, than just a mere means of survival and its eventual boredom in day-to-day consumption.

Having said that, I hereby embark upon my journey of learning, sharing and tearing apart the secrets of the wonder that is… FOOD!

If you have the "guts", then stick around…